I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
