Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
