its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
