hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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