I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
