Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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