Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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