this beer tastes like vomit already
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
