her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize