everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
