we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
