Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
