I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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