Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
