T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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