I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
