I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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