You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
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