I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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