JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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