Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
