I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so much tequila, so little girl.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
