She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
