Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
