Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
