so explain again why im purple
no
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
