You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
