I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
