Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
