So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
