I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
