his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
