i think my tv is drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
