wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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