Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
