you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
