If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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