Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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