tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
