so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
