i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
