On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
