summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
