hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
