She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
