the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
