She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
