Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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