I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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