Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
