A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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