I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
