i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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