just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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