We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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