Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
