She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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