apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
