No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
