I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
